THE BLUE TONGUES

Blue tongues, Red tongues, Black tongues, Yellow Tongues, Brown Tongues. Tongues of all colors(colors?). Welcome to the United States of America. This is the country of opportunity for all those who made it and a topic of either jealousy , awe or sour grapes for who didnt!

It's been three years since I first landed here and it has been a huge learning experience, both in my profession and in life (more in life!). I walk over to the defense officer's cubicle for my I-94 stamping and he asks, "you here ta study?" I say " Yes sir" , with the same nervous tone that I answered the visa officer's questions with. Then he says " you goin' ta AnM?" With a split second delay in comprehension, I say, "Yes Sir". Allrighty then, have faan and do well buddy!" he said. That was an African-American officer.

And then I walk into the University Cafeteria, and my sup introduces me to "Charro", the Spanish guy, who's another sup! 'Whaaataaap mein(man)!" You going tho wash da dishes ovarr therre mein!" You see clean plaithes(plates), you no wash'em, you clean'em and puth(put) all in those carrths(carts) mein!" I ask "carths?" with a puzzled look and he says" You don see those carrths overr therre? Tha Plastic ones? that them the Carrths mein!" Woah!!!! there goes a natural borrn tongue-Twithherr (twister)!!!!

This country has more aliens than you can ever imagine sitting outside it! And from all types of races too! I have had Chinese, Korean, Taiwanese (Who indignantly mentioned the difference between them and the Chinese!), Japanese, Spanish (A Columbian chick actually!), Pakistanis, Bangladeshis, Actual Africans (From Nigeria, Kenya, Uganda), Caucasians and African-Americans. You get a "Sainkyu" from a Chinese and you know he means Thank You!! The worst part was when I teamed up with a taiwanese for a Presentation, and he refused to talk! He said "Aai Dhoo detaa colleyktion, wee both seet and waark on pisentaytion, and you do tha pisenting." (I hope the reader gets that one!) He was modest enough to say that the audience isn't going to understand his English.

The funniest part was (And all my Indian counter-parts in USA will agree) that Although it took me a while to comprehend each of these English accents, the Toughest ws when the Indians Tried "Attaching" an accent to make themselves more understandable, or more clear! The Whites and the Blacks laughed their asses off whenever they saw an Indian (or the neighboring fellas) try to convey something in "their" accents. For them, it probably sounds like a cat suffering with constipation!

But again, in a professional environment, American Accent becomes very important to convey the message and it takes hell a lot of practice to actually speak it without the funny mix of our own one with it. I cant say I have mastered it, but it gives me great pride to state that 90% of the time, people around me don't say " excuse me?", 'What?" "Can you slow down please?" And I attribute it to nothing but my own efforts and my basic knowledge in English.

It's really an irony that life here revolves around perfect but simple English and yet, we are fed through the GRE verbal machine, with all practically useless words, (well not all, but most of them!), but I guess that's how America would like to test people entering it's borders. And it's again another mystery how the Chinese (and their fraternity) make it through the GRE and TOEFL, and end up here in universities with scholarships and assistantships and when they open their mouth, it's a tough day for the professors!!! I guess they are the hard-working class and as the stand-up comedian Russell Peters correctly states, " Indians are born to be lazy!"

Speaking in English is an adventure in itself, and it's a lot of fun!!!!